Police Barred From Penis Enlargement

No, I am not making this up.  This is an actual news report from Indonesia:

Police Barred From Penis Enlargement

Jakarta

Apr 23, 2010

(Reuters) - Forget about getting a job as a police officer in Indonesia's Papua if you have had your penis enlarged. You won't get it, according to local media reports citing the Papua police chief.

An applicant "will be asked whether or not his vital organ has been enlarged," said Papua police chief Bekto Suprapto, quoted on local website Kompas.com.

"If he has, he will be considered unfit to join the police or the military."

The ban was applied since the unnatural size causes "hindrance during training," said police spokesman Zainuri Lubis in Jakarta, quoted by news portal Detik.com.

Indonesia's remote easternmost province is home to Papuan tribes, many of whom are known for wearing penis gourds.

A low-level separatist insurgency has waged in the resources-rich part of Indonesia for decades and there is a heavy police and military presence there.

Papuans use a local technique to achieve the enlargement, according to a sexologist quoted by local newspaper Jakarta Globe, wrapping the penis with leaves from the "gatal-gatal" (itchy) tree so that it swells up "like it has been stung by a bee," the expert said.

So, I wonder what an (allegedly imaginary) conversation with a potential police applicant would sound like:

Possible dialog with an applicant:

 Inspector: Mr. Tatakalataklamanbu, congratulations, you have successfully passed the written exam!

Applicant: Oh!  I am so happy!  My mother is so happy!!!  My dead grandfather is so happy!

Inspector: Just one more thing....

Applicant: What is that?

Inspector: Let me see your penis.

Applicant: ??  Say again?

Inspector: Let me see your penis.  It's part of the exam.

Applicant: Ok.  Here.

Inspector: Oh my god!!!  That's huge!!!  Sorry, you flunk!  Get out!

Applicant: Why?

Inspector: No one can have that large a penis unless it has been enlarged!  Next applicant!

Applicant: No...this is all mine!  Every inch!!

Inspector: No way!!  That's just not possible!

Applicant: In my tribe, I am considered tiny, my nickname is "he who has tiny peepee like python"....

Inspector: No, you're organ is just too big to be natural.

Applicant: Ok, let me see your penis.

Inspector: What?

Applicant: Let me see your penis!

Inspector: This isn't grade school "show and tell"...I'm the inspector here.

Applicant: I just want to know what you think a normal penis size is....so, show me.

Inspector: Well, ok...see?

Applicant: [In tears]: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  I have never seen such a tiny pecker in all my life!!!

Inspector: [Red faced]: It's a normal-sized penis....

Applicant: No it's not.  It's like a tiny earth worm!  Did you write the penis rules?

Inspector: Me?  No.  My boss did.  What do you mean, "like a worm?"

Applicant: Your boss must have the tiniest pecker in the world!  Even tinier than yours!

Inspector: Well, rules are rules, you can't be a police officer.  Your penis is too big, and so you must have enlarged it.

Applicant: Your penis is too small...it can't be natural...You must have cut most of it off!

Inspector: Get out!  See if I show you my penis any more!